Where are you?

I.. (sigh) Never mind, just tell me where you are. Signal me. Light a beacon or whatever. Let me know where you are now.

(So I know how far I should run to catch and beat you up.)

I guess I've been walking with my eyes closed (like a blind man), letting myself be guided only by my hearing (mixed, clashing rhythms) and my sense of smell (unrefined wine taster). I guess I've been walking in circles (orbital period), looking out for you (that I couldn't see) and me (that curled up cub in that obscured den), like a sleep walker ('cause when I tried opening my eyes, everything was so blurry and foggy). Maybe it's time to walk the thoughts (and not the talks).  Cause there was no word ever spoken between you and me (and it will always be you and me, never us).

And this is the best and the most beautiful. Two wills on a pair of parallel (or skewed) track, never to meet. Oh, don't get me wrong. Clashes of minds (and wishes and greed) could be wonderful, like a(n) (ephemeral) firework or a (sometimes irreversible) chemical reaction.

(but if we were about to clash, there might be an explosion instead. we'll just destroy each other instead.)

Man!!

...keep calm and carry on. Move along. 

Alpha Wave

is a particular brainwave emitted in the relaxed phase of human's brain. Relaxed awareness is said to be the state when our brain could learn optimally. Alpha brainwave will be reduced with increasing awareness and drowsiness. Thus alpha state is usually experienced just before and after sleep, and during relaxation activities, like meditation and while taking a stress-relaxing, hot shower.

That explains a lot, does it?

Oh, and there are other types of brainwaves, such as Beta (awake state), Delta (sleepy/restful state) and others, but Alpha has always been my favorite. Too bad there is no Omega, though. It's my favorite greek letter. owo

On Transcience

"As the machinery sunk deeper and deeper into the ocean of emptiness habited only by stars, his consciousness started to drop. With a ghost of a smile he plunged it to the stream of the unconsciousness where it belonged. The mechanism, shut down at last. Although he already had a wish, he secretly made another one so that this time, this joy of transience would no longer be an illusion. The beauty of ephemerality. Mortality's narcissism has finally became his at last."

BY NO MEans ALL is NORMAL

..is what I chanted during Math today. Complete with a set of melody (in an 'An Die Freude' style) and some more lines I came up with on the spot. Truly signs of a gone case.
I knew something is not right, up there. Oh boy.

Rainbow

"You come down to me from somewhere
and constantly point out to me
the happiness that could be found nearby."
~Rainbow

I remember being around... 11 or 12? when I first saw this video. Being a mere pre-teen, my mind was blown :) , especially because I've, coincidentally, read about the meaning of the video beforehand. Looking back, perhaps that was the moment that convinced me that it's okay not to be obvious when one is really trying to convey a message, among other things.

Actually, sometimes I wonder.

"Will we be the ones that die in vain, or will we be the ones to manage an extremely radical change?...

...Given the difficulty level and our limits and mortalities, that doesn't seem probable though. Maybe we'll manage to ignite some things..

...and like thousands others, die prematurely while trying, leaving behind tonnes of hope and wishes for the next generations, a high note..

..without ever knowing what they'll make out of them. Like a book that leaves its ending up to anyone's interpretation..

...And so the story will live on, perhaps to be repeated someday. But that would not be our business anymore...

..It's kinda sad. Our optimism has somewhat survived the process of growing up, but would probably be dulled anyway by the next phase, death."

A Mackerel's Inspiration

Me following my impulse to have a mackerel for lunch turns out to be a great decision. The thoughts I came up with! Who knows that contemplating over a mackerel dish could bear fruits so sweet? (laugh)

When you dream of someone dying

...that means at some points of time, you and that someone have loved each others dearly. However, the realm of our unconsciousness does not abide by our timeline linearity. So that moment could be happening anywhere - in the present, the past or the future.

That's what someone random told me a couple of years ago. Which is pretty random indeed. 

Found it.

I've been saying this many, many times both to myself and to others, but it seems that I've just understood the full meaning of it: Open up that mind. Close your mind, and you're the one who'll lose out on things. 

Yes, I'm having my traces of regrets here. I know that the past is the only thing that brings to us today, sure, but well - being human, there are things that you wish you'd do it differently. I'm saying that I've just understood something, but the possibility of re-discovering it in the future is never zero.

I don't know how to break or tunnel through the fifth wall, at least, yet, so I shall just imagine these bits of words could be a wish for my future self, and a faint signal to my past self. "Don't lose sight on that confidence that you love. Always."

Blind-planning a house reconstruction

...is terrible.

My soon-to-be-archi friends, half-a-cent worth of reminder. Sketch.

Firework

"What value left is there
in this world I live in?
I start thinking it's all meaningless
or maybe I'm just tired.

In exchange for something I got,
I gave up a number of precious things
but it's not such a peaceful world
that I can lament each and every one.

What kind of dreams should I envision?
What kind of hopes should I take with me as I go forward?
These seemingly impossible to answer questions
Get buried in my day to day life.

If you were here, I wonder what you would say?
you'd probably say I was being gloomy and have a laugh.
I just wish I could see your gentle smile to blow away my melancholy.

Even if it's a light like fireworks
that can never be caught
one more time, one more time, one more time, one more time
I want to reach out for it.

We all carry sadness with us
but we hope for a better tomorrow
I wonder to what extent we can love a world
gripped by fear, thrown into unrest?

I get choked up on the words cause I think too much
I hate how clumsy I am
Yet when I can act skillfully out of the blue
I hate that even more

Whether we spend the years laughing or crying
time passes the same for all
the future is calling to us
are you, now, hearing it too?

Even though we knew from the start
that we'd eventually have to say goodbye
one more time, one more time, one more time, one more time
and as many times as I can I hope to see you again.

I never imagined that simply meeting you
could make the world seem so beautiful
would you laugh at me for being simple minded?
I want to say thank you to you from my heart.

I wish my heart flowed fast and smooth like water
so that it would not settle in one place.

For all those times when I need to see you
for those times when I'll miss you so
one more time, one more time, one more time, one more time
I want to burn your memory deep in me.

We all have our problems
but we hope for a better tomorrow
I wonder to what extent we can love a world
gripped by fear, thrown into unrest?

one more time, one more time,
one more time, one more time"


Translated from the lyric of "HANABI" by Mr. Children.
....
look at me, fumbling like a child at choosing words to write. :/

It's a cheap trick, but for today I'll let that lyric to say them for me. Usually I'd post a video, but this one is a special case. Relatable lyric is one thing, but finding one that's kinda... too "true" is another. If I were to write a post today, I'd probably write something similar anyway. Think of it as a favorite poem of mine instead.

If anyone's curious, one could easily look up for the song in Youtube. It's a kinda popular song out there. And a good one, too.

Wishing everyone a good night and a better tomorrow.