take my hand and stay close to me

After this, things will change. I will change. Or at least that's what I think. This blob of inertia will finally, finally begone. I'll recover from my cold and fever.

I think, none of my friends will text me to ask how it goes. Simply put, it never mattered much to them, only to my irrational rationale. If I show them a happy face, they'll glomp me. If I show them a sad, distraught face, they'll glomp me the same, only with some extra encouraging words. Either way, I'll buy more flowers -a banquet of fresh white roses, of course- and pray at that same place. Either way, maybe I'll cry. Then I'll excuse myself to some high places and stare at something for a long time. After that, I'll make a mental list to cope with whatever reality that is and find a place of higher education for the next three or four years ahead. When I get back, I'll make more tea for my brother and arrange for some weekend dates with my friends. I'll have a nice, long chat with my mom. I'll unpack the rest of that suitcase. I'll develop some shots and decorate my room. I'll get myself to retire earlier at nights and to become more productive. I'll freaking finish what I'm working on and polish my driving skill. After that, I'll take Mom to a nearby supermarket and buy more ingredients for my next salad while she'll do her shopping. I'll get myself another local novel, too. By then my ankle should've recovered completely and I'll practice my kicks more often. They help in de-stressing, anyway. The nights will still come and go, and so do the mornings. The whisperings will eventually end and the memories will be jaded soon or later. The dreams I'll remember will always be those quirky ones, not the uncreative, boring excuse for a nightmare. Now that won't change, I think.

I think I'll survive, somehow.

agitated

Affected? Damn well I am. It's eating me from inside. Reducing me into an idle being filled with compressed anxieties.

Damn.

But nononono, I don't want to give in completely. I'm rehabilitating myself by doing these small projects. Things nobody will find in my portfolio, CV, whatever. This is something I have decided. I simply want to use this time to make people who matter to me, happy.

I'm living for their happiness. No, I won't say it anymore and I'll show them my actions instead. That doesn't sound too bad. It's the least I can do with this anxiety-ridden body.

On Honesty and Comfort

The following thoughts are, admittedly, not purely my own. As for whether I bear the same opinion or not, well, it takes a bit of imagination, I guess. xD

In a nutshell

I guess this chapter of my life can be considered as a 'filler episode'. A break, an interlude, you name it. Nowadays I'm looking at the world with a completely different perspective than before. The virtue of free time. The trap of a state of aimlessness. The happiness found in small, everyday things. The lack of need to treat your Time as gambling chips. The differences are vast, more than the foreign sensation of being in an open air space while I'm doing laundry.

Yes, now I'm exposed to things I've been sheltered from and sheltered from things I've been exposed to. Freedom from the obligation to be book-smart. Restrictions found in the demand to be street-smart. This is what I've been missing. This is the life that my friends were living while I was away.

In search for salvation

One true thing is I don't wish to waste anyone's time. It's a pleasure to spend time with people who appreciate your presence. It's an honor to be able to contribute positively or be helpful. On the other side, it's disheartening if you end up being a burden or a sticky lump of goo.

One month into 2013, and here we are, a set of people with each of our own sets of problems. Each of them distinctive and tricky. Each persons' problems are costumized in a certain way that they will really grate the person having it, exploring their weaknesses and exploiting them cruelly. It's compelling. Surely fate's spinners are working harder than Starbucks' baristas in personalizing their products to their customers. Alas, what can this one do?

"they say making someone wait anxiously for a long time is one effective way of mental torture. 
and two effective ways to counter mental torture are keeping your faith and comrades close."