hell no reason go on and scream

"And stay strong; I'm doing everything."

~Details in the Fabric - Jason Mraz & James Morrison

On some ways of doing some things

"Actually, I know the answer. I can feel it, you know? When I think about it, my heart would beat faster and my blood would stir. It's just that I don't want to admit it, because that would give me another similarity. I refuse to acknowledge it, even though it's actually heartwarming, somewhat. We're too similar it's creepy. But it's warm too, so I don't really mind it, and I'm the only one who realises that anyway. But still."

edit: alter-ego.. (laugh) that's only half of the truth. :)

On studying

After thinking it over...

"Why not? What is so bad about eating those books and making it another routine? Just like how I like to play games, aren't they just another set of puzzle to solve? Different? How, and what are the differences? You see, this is just another activity, and you can do it in classes and public without being shameful about it; it's something that people think you should do; but then again I don't really care. Really, why are you even questioning it?"

...sometimes, my pessimism creature can be sooo wise. And practical. And honest. Thanks, you who "implanted" it in the first place. :) 

that moment

..when things seem to be bleak, incomprehensible, bizarre and a bit lonely,
you are in the verge of giving up and start tuning yourself out of the normal frequency,

and then you suddenly notice that there are actually a lot of people, here and there, who had been offering help, willing to spend time or at least to donate a smile to brighten your days, just like that.

God's divine love flows from almost every directions, never fail to find its way to those who need it (practically everyone). I simply have to believe and be open minded.

Yet another incomprehensible part of Life - that's why I'd say it's so wonder-ful.

yet another bizarre dream

She rode in the cab in silence, camera in hand, alone. Of course, she had asked her friends and practically everyone she knew to come with her. After all, this was supposed to be an important event - it was the night in which "The Clock" would finally be completed, and that would mark the beginning of a new 'era'. But they were all unavailable - busy dealing with their tasks, their agendas and their lives. On the way, she noticed how the blue moon lit that oddly gigantic structure from afar, and how the bright blue light was shifting... forms(?). Curiously, she held up her camera and took a few pictures from behind the car's window.

On silence and reflections

I adore silence. Most of my really-treasured moments are actually certain memorable periods of silences, even those including other people in it.

On a friend

One of the most intriguing personalities I have met is of one of my best buddies. Meet my "Friend".

"I agree to a very large extent that she has Acute KYUTEHness Syndrome."

i need time

I need some time to think some things really, really throughly. I refuse to make anymore hasty decisions. I... could really use some time out now, like a real time out.

"Yes, time out. Even from walking." 

Ok, not that kind of time out. CTs are coming and there are a lot of things to be done. No, actually there ARE a lot of things I want to do. The 'time out' that I want is... something else.

clenched fist

"..run and run.. the warmth and kindness felt so foreign they were freaky." ~K.

Honestly, I don't know what I am doing here while I should be doing my Chemistry assignment (which is actually fun). I simply feel like making some sentences. This is the extent I'm missing my free writing time.

Let's see.. these past months, I've been through hell and back. Not literally, of course. Honestly, some emotional things could just be traumatizing and horrible. And having friends, even as close as family, best friends and boyfriend does not guarantee that someone would always be there at those moments. Some things you just have to face by yourself. And your cry-muffling pillow. And (thankfully) your faith.

And some more health problems and worries. To take it positively, one would surely become stronger after going through them.

I'm settling down, and strangely, I'm feeling rather content lately. When you could calm yourself down and think clearly, you would see things you weren't able to see before in the midst of people and their conflicting ideologies. Then you would be able to notice, that some things that are taken as norms to many could be simply less important to you, while some things and values underrated by people could be things that are actually precious to you. That, I think, is the gist of individuality, of the freedom of expression which is acknowledged as a human right nowadays.

There is this paradoxical habit among people; nowadays they worship individuality and uniqueness, yet they often mock others. Sure, poking fun of fellows can be amusing sometimes, but to make it a primary choice of conversation.. sometimes I wonder if some people couldn't really find a better topic to talk about. You see, there is a difference between creative jokes and verbal bullying, between having a personal insight and being a close minded kid.

Oh well, I got my own (big) share of social disabilities anyway.