to present "Redemption" after "Reminiscence". Below is something I transcribed from an old archive of mine.
His pride had caused his downfall. He was not so lucky; for one, he's still alive and well. If only he had died instead, things might be simpler. He'd gotten an easy escape but no, he just had to survive, to endure the shame for the rest of his life. And the guilt, oh, the bloody guilt was eating him inside out. A few seasons behind he'd still be scorning those who failed in life and those who surrendered to their emotions - weaklings, he'd tell them straight to their faces.
But then again, the very same pride had started everything. Hell, it's embedded in his name; practically it was the essence of his whole being. Now though, it had been torn and soiled beyond recognition. He'd even forced to throw away a very large part of it - the cancerous revenge. Still, he couldn't bring himself to discard all of them. In fact, it's the only thing that prevented him from burning a hole through his brain.
Any resemblance of sentiments he had for other people and the world itself was too shaky to be relevant. He'd lost one of two persons he considered as his best friends, at his own hands, no less. The other naturally had her trust of him shattered to pieces and was now facing her own hell. And then there were those two; he couldn't face any of them. He'd expected the boy to kill him any seconds now he's seriously wondering why there hadn't been any attempt at his life. As for the girl, there was simply one too many stains in their histories together. "I forgive you," she said, before retiring for the night. He kept his silent.
Under the clear starry sky he dared his pride to find a way. Should he even bother to try? He had hit the rock bottom.
Of course. The only way now was up. Redemption, that was the word. If he thought it'd be easy he might as well blow himself up. He just knew it'd be another hell of a journey. He'd know, he'd rose from the worst of streets to a considerable glory. Back then though, there was the benefit of doubt. Not now, not when the boulders of consequences had pinned him down, their sharp edges had carved on him, the words "hypocrite", "liar", "egoist", "traitor" and "murderer" among all others. Would he bow to those circumstances, though? Considering the nature of the future, it'd be forever an open ended question.
Sure, said his pride.
He'd face them head-on. No more running away, no more denial. He did make terrible mistakes and he would pay the colossal price for them. He knew he probably couldn't keep his head high. No, he wouldn't. After all he had many, many apologies to make, apologies he couldn't expect anyone to forgive him no matter how much he'd beg for it. And yet, he'd still have to attempt it. There's also things he had to repair and as anyone with half a brain could tell, it always took much more to mend things than to destroy them. And yet, he'd still have to attempt it. He had to start somewhere, and then,
...he'd live on. He'd live with this and many more. He'd rebuild things from the ruin. He'd rise from the ashes no matter how long the time it might take, or die trying. He had been a free man, free from the chains of the past. Only he did it wrong - he'd run away once too much to achieve that and now he'd been pinned down by his new "past". He'd do things differently. Not to wipe out his past, no more of that. But it's because he'd known by this time, that the days of a boy inside the walls were long gone. He had now the freedom to do so.
