On Reasons

Spent a day inside today. Thinking. Pondering. Suffering (from a full-blown muscle-ache though. don't ask). And recollecting.

"Everyone has their own little internal world - a secret garden only they can enter. Each world follows its own internal logic - individuality. And the logic of one world means nothing in another. Understanding other people isn't hard. It's Impossible."

you can be anything at three in the morning

Can't sleep. Oh dear.

I don't even remember what started this peculiar chain of thought. Perhaps it's the title of one of the songs.

Not. Bored.

Quite obviously, I write blog posts when I got nothing to do and there's nothing more interesting going on.

Do. Try. To learn

"That conversation we used to have - I am still pursuing that dream.
Will this year be busier? Although this place will definitely be unchanged."

'Yoga is all about balance' said the trainer. Well, it's not wrong. The fatigue I'm feeling is definitely even throughout my whole body. Nevertheless, it's cool to know that you've done something good at a time when you'll normally still be sleeping. Bandung's morning air is chilly. You somehow need to crush 'petai' to cook 'ayam pop's sambal. Yoga is somewhat fun and the view from PVJ's meditation room is ok, though I felt terribly sleepy after that I almost slept in the shower. I'm currently wondering where I could buy a new set of earphones and how I could use the scanner without people noticing. Good morning. We're learning something new everyday. I'm going to take a short nap soon. After that I'll help with the cooking and then, back to my 'work' in front of the monitor. Oh, I need to contact my friend to borrow her scanner, too. It'll be fun.

"We often got told off by our mischief and stupidity.
I was convinced that those days will last forever.
But we realized that as we grow up, our dreams also become bigger.
Each of us will choose our own paths.
But we have to carry on. Our lives are going on.
Although this place will definitely be unchanged."

These past days has also been fun. I spent the festive season in well, festive mood and celebrations. Two gift exchanges and a couple of sleepovers. I got a very nice tumbler, a mini rubbish bin for my room and a traditional (book?) bag. I got to drink stuffs and they're all very nice. But now some of my friends would have resume their university days and the rest will follow suit. I need to move my limbs by myself if I want to fill the weekdays with fun and life.

I can't express the gratitude sufficiently and decently. How I am really glad to be blessed with these people as friends around my life. With these people, these friendships can last. As we grow up, I realise how fortunate are people who are able to say that in their lifetime. If anything, hope is my New Year's prayer.

"So everybody, ever be buddy. Days we grew up are days we will treasure.
Everybody, show is beginning. Curtain has risen. Make your own storyline.
Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you'll die today."

"We all have unforgettable and precious treasure.
It lasts forever."
~c.h.a.o.s.m.y.t.h. - OOR

Holy Days

"Even after I became a high school student I continued my pitiful habit of always sucking up to adults. I was simply unable to control this bad habit of mine, and to me it was proof of my cowardice. I was always so afraid of the ripples that naturally emanated from normal human interactions that I was always walking on eggshells, and still I was afraid of doing something that would diminish my worth in the eyes of others. Whenever I had conversation with someone, I always felt that person was scrutinizing me. I could always picture them going off furtively somewhere and laughing as they discussed my shortcomings. I was so frightened of the world I could hardly stand it. For this reason, I had a fake smile I always wore to disguise my true feelings. The effort this required also made me miserable."

~ "Words of God" - Otsuichi


What's with Asian psychological thriller authors and their ability to convey daily insecurities into something interesting to read? Simple choice of words and simple sentences and there you have a concise emotional description. And don't get me started on their plot-making. That short-story up there, it's about a teenager with in-born ability to command things and an innate tendency to feel insecure, who ended up murdering everyone and making himself forget by putting himself in an infinite loop of delusion.

I'm having a holiday. I'm catching up with friends and family, doing things I had been wanting to do and getting traumatizing therapeutical muscle massages plus long lectures on overworking from my best friends. They warn me about loving myself and wisdom in being healthy and I did... smile. For all I've said about being wise on health, they still beat me on that. Busy? Well one of them, my brilliant friend, she's in architecture, which means countless hours on studio works and even more on various assignments and yet...

There's always something to be learned. Ah, it's late.