Indecisiveness.

"So this is the control room.."

"Yes."

"I just have to push a few buttons, right?"

"and a lever or two. No big deal."

"Then?"

"You would get the things you wish for: no more psychological headache. No more wasted time in those mental mists. More productivity. More.. usefulness. Those are the things you want, right?"

"Well.. ..sorta."

"Those buttons and levers are the shortcuts I found. One to tone down emotional influence, another to re-shuffle priorities to.. the more useful ones, that one is for close some gates - we need to reduce those vulnerability points, obviously - and so on.."

"If you really know how to do it, then why don't you push those buttons for me?"

"You're the one holding the invisible keys. They're like genetic codes- built-in and non-transferable. Nobody can do it for you. Even if they do, it won't be as effective as it should've been. You were the one talking about that. You should know it better."

"I know. It's just.. I got my limitations. Are you sure.."

"Do I need to repeat what I just said?"

"Okay.."

"Then do it."

"..."

"Why are you hesitating now, if I may ask?"

"...I don't know.. Maybe, I still want to remain human."

"Are you sure?"

"Maybe.. Let me think firs.. I mean, again."

"...Very well. Think as much as you need. Do not worry- we got time."

Moved

Yep, I moved my old blog here. Out of the simplest reason possible: practicality. Had one too many mail address made things quite wiry, especially if your careless level is one of the record breaking ones.

So, yap.

really sorry for all the trouble.. ^^

Yes, maybe it's a terrible trait after all..

Lately, someone deducted/guessed correctly: I somehow have a short interest span. Indeed, over and over again, I am having difficulties to stay on the track I had decided. Like a little pup, I am easily distracted by the passing butterflies and such. Activities to activities, attitudes to attitudes, perceptions, too. That may explain the wide! range of experiences I had so far. The disconnectedness is disturbing, sometimes, but that is not what I want to write about now.

Perhaps it is just my not-so-healthy state. Perhaps it is just a side effect of my poor stamina I am having now. I have been having obnoxiously stagnant days for a while, and just a 5 minutes ago, I actually came out with a disturbing thought. I am losing interest in the world.

The ripples are getting boring to watch. The wind is getting somewhat easier to read. And even when I can't read them, I wonder whether it is really necessary to feel disappointed.

Yes, disappointment. Disappointment of optimism. Predictability of pessimism. And as if those were not enough, the repetitive of routines are starting to get on my nerve, again.

It may sound like secondary years all over again, but still, I believe it is better this time. At the very least, I got more companions this time. However, still..

There. I got distracted again.

Perhaps it would be easier if I can really decide on one course of action and mindset, then embark on as if it were some kind of command. Like a program, or robot. Or.. have I been doing that so far? Questions, again.

Even so, if there was one thing I want to hold on to, it would still be the promise I made.

Desperate as it seem, I still want to love this world. That is one cliche and 'cheesy' ideal concept I want to make real.

As they say, love has its ups and downs, high and low. Shifting to another perception (again), I wonder if all of this are just trivial parts of my 'romance story'..