Well,

that's probably the "manliest" pep talk I've ever gotten. It'll be interesting to process it more thoroughly later.

Alright, back to work.

Oh. Ouch.

What a low blow.

I guess I shouldn't have underestimated the term 'writers' block' after all. The thing about having words and plots flows naturally most of the time is when the stream's dry, draught would soon follow.

It's not like I didn't have a silo of stock bunnies at that time. It was a spur of the moment, a formal prompt to churn out something on the spot, peer pressure, you name it. It felt wrong even as I penned it down. Horribly shallow and so unrefined I couldn't even bear to think properly about it. It was a mistake in so many levels, and the result was such a generic piece that was so out of place, disappointing all around.

This is exactly why it's so horrifying, to have one's greatest pleasure be put into a system as orderly as a school.

Nevertheless, there is no other option but to go forward, and brave the storm ahead I shall. School, as they say, is a place where you're supposed to make mistakes after all.

On the other hand, the old piece I am recycling (one of the more obscured products of the better time) is receiving some interest and that's kinda encouraging. If anything, there are two learning points taken:

1. No matter how tedious my mind can be, it knows my art better than some random mass lecturers.

2. That nagging, whimsical bugs of perfectionism are tiny and rare. They float and herd certain things around amidst the 'everything' that clutters my theoretical mental space. They are to be utilized very, very wisely.

"Understanding other people isn't hard. It's impossible."

So one second I'm thinking too much, and the next moment I'm thinking too little. At one point I'm at fault for not verbalising all the nitty gritty details about basic neatness, and the next I'm blamed for nagging. Again, what's new. Girls.

If every teardrop is a waterfall, then every paradox is a plot point.

Carpe Diem

Because he's the type that secretly wishes to be surprised, challenged and handed the need to make loops - big, brave jumps; slicing-the-air-with-his-own-living-body jumps - every time he has to handle the routines that he'd done properly to pass the time in between much preferred interactions.

Because she's the type to don those cargo pants and even those wretched waist bags, and go on to enjoy hours of tinkering and doing double checks on the oil levels, all while knowing perfectly that at the same time, she's literally going places around that wonderful and beloved little planet.

It's just that both wouldn't mind a pot of warming drinks brewing on the kitchen for those days when they can afford to enjoy tea time. One day, they probably would have to take care of one of those proper kitchen sets anyway. But for now, the brewer on the small counter in the corner of the cafeteria would do.
______

So one is a silent extrovert, and the other is a friendly introvert! Can't believe this took me ages to figure out.
Told you I can handle (shades-of-white-subtle) romance just fine. Ha!

My last 6 months worth of lesson very roughly summarized.

"Is there really a point to a world where everyone is happy? Are people who struggle for a better life just idiots?  

Being human is about fighting even when it seems hopeless, and finding happiness even in a world that hates it."

~VLR.

Do. Try. To learn

"That conversation we used to have - I am still pursuing that dream.
Will this year be busier? Although this place will definitely be unchanged."

'Yoga is all about balance' said the trainer. Well, it's not wrong. The fatigue I'm feeling is definitely even throughout my whole body. Nevertheless, it's cool to know that you've done something good at a time when you'll normally still be sleeping. Bandung's morning air is chilly. You somehow need to crush 'petai' to cook 'ayam pop's sambal. Yoga is somewhat fun and the view from PVJ's meditation room is ok, though I felt terribly sleepy after that I almost slept in the shower. I'm currently wondering where I could buy a new set of earphones and how I could use the scanner without people noticing. Good morning. We're learning something new everyday. I'm going to take a short nap soon. After that I'll help with the cooking and then, back to my 'work' in front of the monitor. Oh, I need to contact my friend to borrow her scanner, too. It'll be fun.

"We often got told off by our mischief and stupidity.
I was convinced that those days will last forever.
But we realized that as we grow up, our dreams also become bigger.
Each of us will choose our own paths.
But we have to carry on. Our lives are going on.
Although this place will definitely be unchanged."

These past days has also been fun. I spent the festive season in well, festive mood and celebrations. Two gift exchanges and a couple of sleepovers. I got a very nice tumbler, a mini rubbish bin for my room and a traditional (book?) bag. I got to drink stuffs and they're all very nice. But now some of my friends would have resume their university days and the rest will follow suit. I need to move my limbs by myself if I want to fill the weekdays with fun and life.

I can't express the gratitude sufficiently and decently. How I am really glad to be blessed with these people as friends around my life. With these people, these friendships can last. As we grow up, I realise how fortunate are people who are able to say that in their lifetime. If anything, hope is my New Year's prayer.

"So everybody, ever be buddy. Days we grew up are days we will treasure.
Everybody, show is beginning. Curtain has risen. Make your own storyline.
Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you'll die today."

"We all have unforgettable and precious treasure.
It lasts forever."
~c.h.a.o.s.m.y.t.h. - OOR

Holy Days

"Even after I became a high school student I continued my pitiful habit of always sucking up to adults. I was simply unable to control this bad habit of mine, and to me it was proof of my cowardice. I was always so afraid of the ripples that naturally emanated from normal human interactions that I was always walking on eggshells, and still I was afraid of doing something that would diminish my worth in the eyes of others. Whenever I had conversation with someone, I always felt that person was scrutinizing me. I could always picture them going off furtively somewhere and laughing as they discussed my shortcomings. I was so frightened of the world I could hardly stand it. For this reason, I had a fake smile I always wore to disguise my true feelings. The effort this required also made me miserable."

~ "Words of God" - Otsuichi


What's with Asian psychological thriller authors and their ability to convey daily insecurities into something interesting to read? Simple choice of words and simple sentences and there you have a concise emotional description. And don't get me started on their plot-making. That short-story up there, it's about a teenager with in-born ability to command things and an innate tendency to feel insecure, who ended up murdering everyone and making himself forget by putting himself in an infinite loop of delusion.

I'm having a holiday. I'm catching up with friends and family, doing things I had been wanting to do and getting traumatizing therapeutical muscle massages plus long lectures on overworking from my best friends. They warn me about loving myself and wisdom in being healthy and I did... smile. For all I've said about being wise on health, they still beat me on that. Busy? Well one of them, my brilliant friend, she's in architecture, which means countless hours on studio works and even more on various assignments and yet...

There's always something to be learned. Ah, it's late.

calling upon all the underdogs

Because I am so in love with the street's personality that just screams the face of individuality and self-made obligations. In facing the literal need to survive, one could not bother to be fake. And when they succeed, they'd smile widely and brightly. There is no need to mask them with forced humility. I mean, it's a very noble trait - that's why it's kinda eye-cringing to see it so reduced to a cheap make-up tool, moreover so when it's poorly executed.

A tip from the once-shroom-invaded pantry

When you use the 1:1 ratio for honey : lemon, the concoction tastes more acceptable for general public's consumption.

Trivia: For some reason I always write/type "ration" for "ratio". A truly annoying habit when it comes to Chemistry papers.

Insipid poison

is found when some people seem to be so full of themselves they fail to notice simple things that they could actually do in order to be the persons they are claiming to be. How this came to be this suffocating for me is definitely personal, but I think even without that, I'd still think it's incredibly sad. People are suffering from things they refuse to see (and in doing so, they make others suffer). It's worse that being lonely because of things that couldn't be found.

In a lighter note, such things give me more and more ideas each day. If you're one of them who knows what I'm rambling about, well, now you know where it comes from. :)

Rejuvenated

Maybe I was forgetting how joyful it is to have fun, travel around, deplete any spare energy and be exhausted afterwards. I had a wonderful day filled with a long walk, laughters, friends, some awesome dessert and a bit of exercise. In short, a really tiring day. Well, I guess rechargeable batteries could last longer if you let it be depleted sometimes before you recharge it back.

And that is what comes after this. A positive reminder that (maybe almost) everything is ephemeral for a mortal life and of course, a good night sleep. Good night!

Blind-planning a house reconstruction

...is terrible.

My soon-to-be-archi friends, half-a-cent worth of reminder. Sketch.