If you were me..

maybe you'd raise a head, look forward, shrug a pair of shoulders and walk through.

...yeah, that would be something you would really do, I guess. Honestly, I can really imagine you doing just that.

I guess I can run faster and be stronger than dunno-what-kind-of-pulp that is me right now..

arbitrary piece

The spinning sky. The bright ray shining through. The gust of wind. The spinning vision.

Then, silence...

before everything suddenly flashed oh-so-briefly.

"Here's the k..."

"Run. Now!"

"..they're still.."

"Hey, where d'you wa.."

"Ahh, I'm bo.."

"..see what I can.."

"Hahaha! You shouldn't.."

"Listen. You.."

"Move out!"

"Why.."

"Please! I.."

"..hereby.."

"Whaaat!?"

"..in the red.. again."

"..is your priority!"

"Calling for.."

"ey, wait.."

"AAAAaa..."

"..ry, but who.."

"DAMN IT!!"

"..ase, stay.."

"Pens down!"

"No, wait!! It's.."

"You.."

"DON'T!"

"..let go!"

"..on't unders.."

"..s my.."

"Over here!"

"..nononono.."

"..wonder?"

"..ring it!"

"..kh!"

"...."

"But why.. why.."

"Why are we living in a world like this?"

There it is. The shadow you were chasing.

Floor it. Sprint as fast as you can..

The gap is narrowing itself down. The huge door is closing.

The figure turns around. A pair of orbs that you waited so long to see..

And the door is closed.

Something to remember.

Last night was fun-tastic. What else can I say? A successful event that we pulled off after several vigorous rehearsals and even longer planning, a duty which I enjoyed tremendously, all those screams and cheers and laughters and nail paintings and high-fives and bounces and photos and hugs - basically frantic joys obscured from the audiences' point-of-views, a relaxing (yes I'm not kidding) observations during the dance floor, and the unbelievable after-party that lasted nearly as long as the event itself. It was an escapist's paradise - a night out of routines that would become a lasting memory.

However, the sun had risen once more. It's time to be back in reality. In fact, reality had hit me during the night itself, but for once, I chose not to mind it. But now.. okay. It's real. It's reality.

Confusion. Progression. Regression. Well, I have heard some advices and opinions. I like some of them, I admit. However, where I would step next is still.. unclear. "Never mind me." Yes, I've even incorporated that simplifying concept that would boost my decision-making progress most of the time, but still..

And that brought me to a step back I've involuntarily taken in this progress of self-consolidation. No, I'm not masochistic. But you see, one's opinion toward oneself is one the most subjective opinions that one would ever got, not to mention there is a high chance that it is tainted with biases; that is a given fact. Therefore, in times when fast decision making must be endured, that is one kind of opinions I would ignore faster. Full of loopholes, the rationale is, I admit. But so far, it serves its function quite well - to avoid conflicts. Yes, I know that; in fact I'm trying to better it and that is actually one of the main focuses in this process.

Keep yourself alive and stop over-thinking things? I wish I know how.

Tasteless

An evocative dream. A deja vu the day after.

A thin layer of bright yet calm ice on the surface. A rage of whirlpool and tides below.

A distracted focus. A bottom line on which everything would be pulled down if vigilance is ever dropped.

A shadow to hide under. A freedom that I dare not to touch.

A ball of frustration. A layer of sadness that fill the gaps as well. Above them, a lingering pang of cancerous worry.

Still, I don't think it's my turn to sigh, let alone rest. Yet.

I like playing with words

depends on the interpretation, even simple words can make a conversation.. obscured.

It's like drawing. Or taking pictures. Or listening to songs.

You can paint with bright and vivid colours, but the drawing can still depict a tragedy. You can take a picture of flowers and sky, but the photo can still represent loneliness. You can humming a cheerful tune, but the lyric can still be expressing pain and desperation.

But the thing with arts is, not everyone would notice it. It's not even close to surprising if no one would notice the subtle hints hidden between the lines, in the slight change of hue or inside the poetic "nonsense".

When applied to daily use of words, I think, to some extent, that is how one would filter listeners or readers based on how much care and thoughts they put in processing one's words. Indeed, they can talk about the skills of language. But still I think that the arts is just out of that kind of worlds. Educated people can have all the certs to boast, but there is no denying the emptiness of feelings.

I haven't even mentioned about the manipulations of expressions, you see. Communication is as different to interaction as seeing to observing, talking to speaking and hearing to listening.

Time is teaching me

..on how to set up an "interesting" timeline of events.

And anyone who assumes I like it would get a black eye. Free of charge.

Up until now, I felt nothing

but when the wolf decided to leap off the cliff, there's no helping it.

A bit late, maybe. It feels like I've failed to do something I can't even remember. These past days just passed by like nothing's happening. Time goes on whether I am alive or the otherwise.

In the end, I am just a fool. A fool who doesn't know her place, who allows herself to be blinded by the imaginary lights of virtues, but in reality, is as vain as sands inside a few nightmares.

I allowed the future to chase me while the past was still rushing forward to tangle me. Maybe I was being a bit arrogant. I thought I could stand them. I thought I could think, at least a bit more than before. Turns out, I am weaker than I thought. When I peeked inside, everything was in the wrong place. Simply pathetic.

Sigh... it's humiliating to be weak.