emptiness

What should I write? I'm bored. That's practically the sole reason I have

Black-White

What should I write? I'm bored. That's practically the sole reason why I'm writing this.

It's Youth Day. Yeah, right.

When they say it's a day for celebrating your youth, they don't mean you can go to the park and ride a bike or skating, or go to the mall to hang out without a care.
Youth Day means a reason for teachers to give extra work and confine the kids to their study room and left them to stare longingly for the outdoor sunshine. How ecstatic and youthful.

Next week will be a hectic one for me, I guess.
So despite all my loath for studying, I just can't help but getting a restraining jacket for the youthful burst to calm down and start memorizing these Biology stuffs.

I develop a pet peeve, too. Can't say it's just born recently. It's there since long, it's just nowadays it's been mutating like some cancer cells.
I don't like those with no manner.
Those who whine about hearts and stuffs, but somehow unable of being considerate even for small things, at least to say 'please' or give a friendly look instead of mood breaking glares or keep pointing the most obvious thing of all things just to show they have some basic brain cells.

Maybe it's me being too demanding or observing, but enough is enough. Through this entry I'm saying it. I. do. notice.
Subconscious and subtle things irked me more than the facades purposely shown. If they say humans must have subjective opinion of others no matter how they deny it, than this is my way to make one.

But things being things, I'm not everybody's mom so I can't just bark out advices. Shutting down social links isn't an option either.
I just hope my receptive cells are more flexible than I thought so I can lead a sane life. Wish me luck.

This crosses my mind as soon as I finished my last paragraph. Anybody feel offended?
In all my honesty , I do hope some can feel 'oh, this is quite like me' and try to adjust some little things for the better. But I know most that did may just hold grudges against me.

That's why, might as well declare now that this post is not meant to attack anybody. I'm just sharing some thoughts, you know that's why most blogs are made. And thoughts, as we live in the maze (or mess) of relationships, not seldom it'll automatically involve some other conscious beings. No hard feelings, kay?

Eh, I'm serious. Feel free to let me know if you, my dear few readers have something in mind. The comment space and the chat box are not just some random wallflower, y'know.

Days and Nights

Oh, it's already mid-year. I haven't made a post since.. long, I guess.

Ok, I'll make a post in Indonesian. Happy now?

Sbulan ini sibuk. Kayaknya di jurnal gw yg manapun, tuh kalimat pasti nongol.
Ujian, maraton (a.k.a. teror tahunan), bejibun kerjaan ekskul, dsb, dsb, dsb, you name it.. Minggu ini, udah kaya last lap klo di pacuan kuda mah. Tapi tetep we ada beberapa ulangan dan tugas yang dengan sesuatu cara berhasil diselip- selip in sama guru.

Geez, GIVE ME A BREAK, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!

Libur mid-year, thankfully, bakal dateng bentar lagi.
Tapi kaya biasa, kiasu-ness ensues~ dan serangan kata2 'jangan lupa belajar' ga berhenti juga, bahkan sebelum gw sempet berpikir tentang apa yang bakal gw lakuin waktu libur. Bahkan ada yang wanti2 jangan sampe gw makin lancar ngomong mother tongue gw sendiri.
"Mendidik murid untuk berkembang, dan setia pada komitmen dan negara"? What a joke. Or is it my fault to have some sense of nationalism?

Anyway.

Hari ini samsak samsak gw pada berani membuang nyawa dengan datang ke pulau kecil ini, dan besok gw bakal ketemu mereka. Good timing. Gw lagi pengen menyalurkan energi. No offense, tapi 'no harm to women' itu salah satu lifetime policy/principle gw. Berbahagialah mereka yang status gendernya bersimbol Venus, practically almost all living beings I spend my daily life with.

Rasanya weekend ini bakal rame. Mungkin. Probably.
Tapi berarti sekarang gw kudu nyicil buat Senen juga. Sumhow guru- guru nyelipin dua biji ulangan di situ. Clever. But that, will not stop me.

Apakah gw sedang stres? Mungkin, dengan meningkatnya frekuensi bersih bersih gw (what the freak.. klo stres malah bersih bersih..).

Seminggu lagi. Sabar.

Back to Reality

Had a nice lunch today. It was satisfying~

Now back to reality. Math, Physics, Bio and Geog?

Will I be able to finish them all by today?

I'm listening to a nice piano song.

A song that I'm practicing myself.

I want to practice my no-good-playing too.

Can I?

Whistle on The Wind

Greetings,

Holiday! Day off's! Rest? Not really.
Well, it's useless to be wimpy and start ranting. Not to mention it's also annoying.

"Gotta live your life.
You may be alive. You may have a life. But you might not living the life."

See the difference?
I'm in no mood to have a long strings of text.. yet. Maybe I'll talk about in sometime. But not now. I'm fully aware that my stamina is limited, and need to be conserved for tomorrow.

Oh, but I had an interesting short story.
So, it was already quite late, and I was finishing my weekly laundry routine. I was sleepy, and some rain-drenched clothes were kinda stinky, and so it was not a really pleasant mood I had.
The next thing I know, a couple of guys were mumbling in.. German (maybe? or another European language) in front of a drying machine.

(o_O) ...I thought I'm staying in an all-girls boarding school...

It turns out that they are some guests from overseas. Maybe there're some announcements about them, some announcement I didn't manage to hear, and thus we stared at each other for about 5 seconds or so before they finally asked for help with two priceless expressions.

(^^) LOL.
Life never cease to surprise me, indeed.

Good night,

aurell4173

My Wish

Coz' of the influence I got from "5 cm", for once, I want to use Indonesian.

Ok, jadi banyak yg terjadi belakangan. Sala satunya, minggu kmaren. Entah stelah berapa lama, saia tanding olah raga lagi. Tanding. Match! Bukan tes ato ujian skolah.

Tes tetep rame. Apalagi skrg yang lagi dimaenin tenis. THE tenis. THE sports yang serasa long lost love, tragic type buat gw personally. Buat 3 bulan terakhir ini, PE lessons adalah surga kecil diantara pelajaran laennya.

Tapi matches.. itu beda.

"The most painful thing of a moment is when you can't do anything for what is going on in front of your eyes."

Dan setelah beberapa waktu, sempet lupa tu feeling.

Minggu kmaren, setelah memutuskan buat maen against my better logic as a first-aider, gw serasa org yg jantung kanannya idup lagi (ato mirip2 gitu dhe, meski gw cuma punya satu jantung di sebelah kiri sih). Dengan anehnya dan ajaibnya, gw terharu.
Prtandingan2 yang gw maenin, DAN pertandingan yang ga gw maenin, in the end smuanya tumplek jadi satu. Entah gmn, beberapa hal yang ada di pikiran gw, tiba2 jadi jernih.

Waktu smuanya udh beres, mendadak gw sadar klo gw terharu. Dan gw pun menangis. Dengan lebih dari satu alasan.

Bukan cuma karena kita sempet kalah.
Bukan cuma karena kita sempet menang.
Bukan cuma karena gw ga maen.
Bukan cuma karena gw sempet maen banyak.
Bukan cuma karena smuanya bentar lagi beres.
Bukan cuma karena smua team mates dan supporters ngerubung jadi satu.
Bukan cuma karena team lawan pun ikutan ngerubung.
Bukan cuma karena gw bersyukur kaki gw masi bisa efektif dipake.
Bukan cuma karena gw ga nyesel sama skali udh mutusin buat maen.
Bukan cuma karena di dlm matches itu gw diem2 mutusin banyak hal2 yang jadi pikiran belakangan.
Bukan cuma karena gw senang atas keputusan yang gw ambil.
Bukan cuma karena gw sedih sama keputusan yang gw ambil.

Tapi campuran dari semuanya, baik yang ketulis di atas maupun nggak.

Ga ada hubungannya sama pamor, imej, sgala detil2 ga penting yang banyak dibikin alasan. Feeling waktu lagi maen di tengah2 lapangan itu bner2 beda. Gw yakin klo ini mau dijabarin juga gw bisa bikin esai yang jauh lebih panjang dari Geog AA. Dan feeling macem itu lah yang bisa ngajarin mental seseorg lebih dari nasehat2 klise ato teori macem2. Referensi ke "5 cm", contohnya kayak berhasil manjat gunung Mahameru bisa ngubah nasib dan gaya hidup seseorang drastis. Self-experience emg beda. Gw ngerti klo yg baca ini spontan komentar klo ini lebay ato sok-dramatis. Tapi, well.. self-experience emg beda.

Yang pasti, setelah post-match period yang bner2 anti-climatic karena mendadak datar dan boring dan tidak produktif, skrg pikiran gw mulai jernih, smoga.

Udh pernah gw tulis di post2 sebelomnya. Tujuan idup gw kurang lebih termasuk jadi org yang gw sendiri bakal suka. Gw ga mau nyeselin apapun yang udh gw lakuin, ato gw ucapin, pengennya sih. Bukan berarti gw ga akan pernah ngaku salah, jauh dari itu. Cuma.. gw ga mau ngabis2in waktu gw buat muter2 menangisi nasib. Waktu idup terlalu terbatas buat itu, sudah terbuktikan dgn pengalaman.

Minggu kmaren.. is really the feeling of being alive. Gw ga mau lupa lagi.

Tapi gw juga ga mau trus tenggelem di situ. Ato gw bakal nyesel ntarnya.
So, it's time to move on. Beresin hal2 yang ngeganjal di kepala. Trus kita maju lagi. Idup itu emg enaknya gitu, kayaknya.

Good night,

Dreams that I hope would remain as dreams - II

Hi, good afternoon.

I woke up late today. Oh don't' worry, it's a day off after all.
But somehow, I'm reminded by the dreams I 've had last year.
The continuation of the previous one.

Day 2

A white painted, small, rusty, old building. It was cramped and poorly built with a strange structure. It had four levels, each consisted of two or three rooms, with up to five or six residents, all cramped up, lying beside one another when it's time to sleep. The staircases connected each levels were made of wood. Several teenagers (approx. 4), came to the house, visiting some older friends who lived in the fourth level. They put their shoes outside the small room, near the edge of the wooden stairs. The room was just like the others. Rectangular with white cement wall, which was cracked in several spots. There were several things and furniture around the room which made it looked like an apartment or living space. There was one big windows, which led to a small veranda with thin iron bars as the rails. NO city light can be seen from the veranda. Only a dark town with no sign of life and the sky.

It was night time, with dark sky. Among the teenagers, one was feeling rather uncomfortable. There were a strange, bizarre chill feeling that she got. There was wind, cold wind. But instead of refreshing, it was kinda sickening, giving her a creepy feeling. Her friends were just chatting, enjoyed the time in the cramped room. Then she felt the wind from outside the windows was felt too chill and bizarre. She climbed out through the window to the veranda, and looked at the sky. Then, all sound were off. A complete silent for her. There was holes in the sky. A black one, darker than the night around it. In a creepy sense, smog or line of aurora in slime green and dark violet colour were circling the hole, like a black hole. There was another smaller hole beside the first one, also a dark one. The sky and the cloud was like affected by the hole, making patterns like it's being absorbed slowly to the hole. Those chilly wind blow came from both holes. The teenager stood for a while, completely mesmerized. Then she, in horror, called her friends. They were shocked, too. Then the wind got stronger. The older peers, quickly suggested for them to run. They rushed out from the room, racing down the wooden stairs, telling people in every level to come out and run. The feeling was completely bizarre, everyone's heart was racing. They all run as for they lives out and away from the building, that are threatened to fell off, raining them with wood and cement pieces. By the time they managed to got out from the building, it collapsed, and was absorbed to the hole. Strangely, other buildings which seemed to rather lifeless in that slum like area was being absorbed rather slower. All people ran away, they did not dare to turn back.


There. Copy-pasted as it is from my last year's journal. It's not that I like this type of dream. It's just that I don't wanna forget them. They were ones of a few who gave me strong emotions last year, in terms of fear.

Good day,

aurell4173