Complacency

I've been observing myself for these few days.

Small gestures that I made, spontaneous thoughts that I came up with, my living patterns, my reactions, basically the same basic observation points.

It's not like I haven't been aware of it. Instead, it's almost like a foresight.

Is it a good thing that I am like this? Or is it bad? Am I really heading towards something that I can be excited about or just another nothingness to distract this restless mind? This thing called 'self-esteem' and 'identity', just what are they, really?

"We never know the future." "Every steps, whichever memories they are carrying, are just steps and nothing more." Again, words of 'wisdom' that are more like facts to urge me to take it easy and simply don't mind about this kind of things, moreover so if this would just concern myself and nobody else. Simply unimportant, isn't it? The more I think of it, the more question marks I would end up having. Utterly confusing. If a simple topic about a self is this complicated, I wouldn't dare to process any part of human relationships. (sigh) I guess the hardest room to organize is always, indeed, your own.

Now I don't know how much I'm being a hypocrite in mentioning an orbital cycle in this post. Another dilemma whether I should or should not go. Based on past experience, I would be having regret in not going, but.. Hm..

Life is amusing yet confusing at the same time, ya?