Holy Days

"Even after I became a high school student I continued my pitiful habit of always sucking up to adults. I was simply unable to control this bad habit of mine, and to me it was proof of my cowardice. I was always so afraid of the ripples that naturally emanated from normal human interactions that I was always walking on eggshells, and still I was afraid of doing something that would diminish my worth in the eyes of others. Whenever I had conversation with someone, I always felt that person was scrutinizing me. I could always picture them going off furtively somewhere and laughing as they discussed my shortcomings. I was so frightened of the world I could hardly stand it. For this reason, I had a fake smile I always wore to disguise my true feelings. The effort this required also made me miserable."

~ "Words of God" - Otsuichi


What's with Asian psychological thriller authors and their ability to convey daily insecurities into something interesting to read? Simple choice of words and simple sentences and there you have a concise emotional description. And don't get me started on their plot-making. That short-story up there, it's about a teenager with in-born ability to command things and an innate tendency to feel insecure, who ended up murdering everyone and making himself forget by putting himself in an infinite loop of delusion.

I'm having a holiday. I'm catching up with friends and family, doing things I had been wanting to do and getting traumatizing therapeutical muscle massages plus long lectures on overworking from my best friends. They warn me about loving myself and wisdom in being healthy and I did... smile. For all I've said about being wise on health, they still beat me on that. Busy? Well one of them, my brilliant friend, she's in architecture, which means countless hours on studio works and even more on various assignments and yet...

There's always something to be learned. Ah, it's late.