Not. Bored.

Quite obviously, I write blog posts when I got nothing to do and there's nothing more interesting going on.


Implication: there are a lot of things going on right now. Behind the gears and bars, of course.

As I said before, both in various conversations and an interview, nowadays I'm living my life doing things I couldn't do before. That includes playing games on auto-mode while browsing through short term accommodation options and putting thoughts into motions into words into sentences into pages. Add a random blogging break and here I am. Clearly it takes brain-powder, but if someone asks me tomorrow, "what did you do last night?" my answer would be "dunno, sleeping, maybe." Always. The virtue of being a closet hobbyist.

Or the perks, maybe. With so many 'experts' around me, my mouth is sealed.

Change of mind. I don't think I want to rant about that. Let's find something else to talk about.

Pay attention to the balance. Look. On one side it seems bright, hopeful. The path is there and there is no use in worrying. On the other side, I can say that most of them are mere pretty words of encouragement and vague illusion of optimism. That paradise that the little girl is singing about can be a barren and desolate wasteland, anytime. Am I scared? Am I , actually? Damn well I am.

The shit they put me in. Nobody will stop, not until my hands tremble and my old scar threatens to reopen and bleed. Then they will stop. That way, no bruise, no blood will ever be seen. If I complain then, it'll just be an empty rant. One I don't even bother to utter. Be strong, and people will take you for granted, expecting you to carry the loads. Be weak, and I'll hate it even more. In a life, people of hatred will learn to love and people of love will learn to hate. Humans will always think they are higher than humans, looking up and to the side, degrade sheep, praise the one lost from its pack and wail to the moon at the end of the day, ranting about practically everything that befall them, about their grief and loneliness. Cute.

Really, I am sinful and I know only a little proportion of Faith and Holiness. You smart people can tell me all about the details, you know more than me in that aspect I'm sure. But I know that people around me, those who are dear to me had been strengthen and saved by that one love, me included. That's all.

What am I implying? Things amounted more than this entry tripled then quadrupled, from both sides of the balance. I'm feeling really lazy right now. Lazy and bottled up. The day has been great, did some exercise, watched an excellent movie with my brother and 'surrogate brothers', but now the night has simply fallen too deep. How some people manage to stay bright and warm is sometimes beyond me. When I meet them, I have to learn a thing or two more. Until then, good night.